A lot has happened in the past 7 weeks. About this time 7 weeks ago I was waking up in the ICU after having a c-section surgery to deliver my daughter, Violet. That was such a rough day. I had went into the hospital the day before, August 26, because my doctor had sent me there immediately when he saw me at my weekly appointment with him that day.
I had so much weight in fluid on me due to pre-eclampsia and my blood pressure was going nuts.. I dont really remember everything my doctor said to me that day except that I'd be having a complicated surgery and it was very high-risk. I remember coming home, gathering up things for the hospital, saying bye to my dogs and just crying. I was so afraid. Afraid I wouldnt live to see my daughter, afraid I wouldnt wake up and see my husband, afraid that I wouldnt be coming back to my home that we just had moved into, afraid I was saying goodbye to my dogs for the last time, afraid I was going to the hospital to die.
After I got settled into the hospital room my doctor comes in and tells me they're about to start me on medicine [magnesium] that'll make me feel like I've been hit by a big truck. Seriously? I thought he was joking but he wasnt.. I think they mustve put me on sedatives too because I was so out of it that day and night I couldnt even move much.
And because I was so swollen they didnt even bother with an IV they went straight to a central line.. that was horrible. A central line is inserted into your jugular vein in your neck. And oh my gosh that procedure was HORRIBLE. They put me in the most uncomfortable position in a bed bending my neck out so that my jugular was stretched and easily accessible. Then they cut my neck open and put a line in it .. I swear I felt it go in my vein he told me it was about an inch away from my lung and only 1 in 200 times it went wrong or something like that.. I was so scared and upset. I remember screaming in pain and crying so hard as they put it in me and stitched my neck up. My neck was so sore the entire hospital stay over that. But almost everytime they needed blood or medicine had to be given to me it went into the main line in my neck. Rough times.
I remember telling the nurse my water broke and telling my husband that I was about to give birth in Mamie's neighborhood and it was going to be in the 1990s. I was saying some wild things. In my head I knew I was trying to give birth and wanted to have her naturally SO bad I did not want a c-section! I started having contractions that night - they were very painful and I just wanted to push and push but the medicine kept me so sedated and I assume slowed the birth down. I had contractions up until I went into surgery the next day.
I was allowed a few small crushed ice cubes every few hours but nothing else. I was hoping Id end up having the c-section the next morning but the doctor wasnt very clear on the time which was passing soo slowly.
By Tuesday morning I was still so out of it, I figured my surgery would be at 8am then somehow it was going to be around 11am then the doctor said he was trying to get things in order making sure I'd be okay .. he had another surgeon, maybe 2?, in the room with him as well as a pediatrician and 2 anesthesiologists. There was quite a team preparing to get me through this.
Throughout my pregnancy the pre-eclampsia kind of came and went but by week 39 I was miserable and my blood pressure was so bad and my body was so swollen it was just horrible all around.
My doctor offered to let me go to Little Rock because everything was looking so scary but I did not want to wait any longer and he was sure he'd be able to do it and wanted to because he knew me and my situation well. I trusted him. I was either going to live or die and I was just ready to get it over with.
Finally around 2 or 230pm I was taken to a room to get me ready for surgery.. my husband wouldn't be able to be in there with me because I was going to be completely under. And possibly on life support in ICU when the surgery was over. I was panicking having trouble breathing and my mouth was so dry from all the medication and not being able to drink any water for the past 24 hours or so. I remember telling the anesthesiologist all of that but he said it'd be okay and they had called in another anesthesiologist to help him out.. Gosh.
My husband, aunt and grandma were with me up until the surgery. A lot of people were there in the waiting room, waiting on my surgery to be over and to see Violet. I was so scared and worried but tried to remain calm and positive for my husband who held my hand up until the moment I was wheeled away to the operating room.
I just told everyone to please let me wake up and be with my husband and daughter. They needed me and I needed them. They just told me theyd take good care of me and do all they could for me.
I just knew I was about to die.
They began prepping me in the OR and didnt put me under until the moment they began to cut because of the baby and anesthesia.
I remember they were listening to Eminem and other party music in the OR.. and a nurse who had the attitude of "yeah! surgery!" I felt like I was at a hospital rave party .. or an adult swim show.. I was just laying there, scared to death and all these people standing over me I couldnt see anything but their eyes and I heard their voices and party music. Then I went under...
I faintly remember them moving me from the operating table to a bed and how bad it hurt but I was back out and I remember struggling to breathe and someone coaching me thru in recovery..
Then I woke up in ICU. . but I wasnt on life support! I thought I had been in a car wreck and was in the hospital in Little Rock.
I dont remember how or when my husband got in there but he showed me a picture of my precious baby girl who was born at 2:56pm on August 27. I had him get my grandma to come back to the hospital..everyone else had went home.. nobody got to see Violet except for my husband, I think it was late by this point.
I wasnt able to see my baby or hold her. But when my doctor came in I told him I wanted to see her but since I was in ICU she couldnt come there. He called Violet's nurse and had her bring her to my room in an incubator so that I could look at her. I called my husband and he and his mom came to my room and my grandma was there and we all got to see her together. She was so precious I just stared at her but they wouldnt let her stay long. My husband went back and forth from ICU to maternity ward that night checking on me and our daughter. It wasnt until the next day that I got to hold her.
I didnt know it but I'd be in the hospital for a very long 8 days until I got to go home... but I'll have to tell you about that later.
Today I am just thankful that Violet and I both made it through that crazy day.
Here is my beautiful baby this afternoon, smiling, laughing and having a good day with mommy :]
At 7 weeks Violet now sticks her tongue out, "dances" [plays "legs" as we call it], smiles, kind of laughs, recognizes certain people [by smiling at them], eats well, sleeps well. She is wonderful and everyday I am grateful for her and my husband for our beautiful family <3
